The Confident You: Taking Charge of Your Life

Related Reading:

• Learning Sphere Blog
• Skill Pulse Posts

Confidence isn't something you're born with—it's something you bloody well build, brick by brick, mistake by mistake.

I've been coaching business professionals for over 17 years now, and if there's one thing that separates the leaders from the followers, it's not talent, luck, or even intelligence. It's confidence. Real, genuine, earned confidence. Not the fake-it-till-you-make-it nonsense that half the self-help industry peddles.

The thing about confidence is this: most people are waiting for permission to be confident. They're waiting for someone else to validate their ideas, approve their decisions, or pat them on the head and say "well done." That's backwards thinking, and frankly, it's costing you opportunities every single day.

I learned this the hard way during my early consulting days in Melbourne. Had this brilliant strategy for a client's restructure, spent weeks on it, knew it was solid. But I presented it like I was asking for permission rather than providing expertise they'd hired me for. The client passed. Six months later, they implemented almost exactly what I'd suggested—after hiring someone else who presented with absolute conviction.

Taking Control Starts With Small Decisions

Here's where most confidence advice goes wrong. Everyone talks about "believing in yourself" or "thinking positive thoughts." Complete rubbish. Confidence comes from competence, and competence comes from action.

Start small. Really small. Like choosing what to have for lunch without asking three people for their opinion. Sounds ridiculous? Good. Because the people who can't decide on a sandwich are the same ones who freeze up when real decisions need making.

I work with executives who can negotiate million-dollar deals but can't choose a restaurant for dinner without reading seventeen reviews. It's all connected. Every time you make a decision and stick with it—even tiny ones—you're building what I call "decision muscle memory."

The research backs this up too. Studies show that people who practice making low-stakes decisions quickly become better at high-stakes decision making. Though I've got to be honest, I can't remember the exact percentage. Might have been 67% or 73%. Point is, it works.

Stop Apologising for Existing

Australians have this terrible habit of underselling ourselves. "Sorry to bother you, but..." "I might be wrong, but..." "This probably isn't important, but..."

Stop it. Just stop.

I was guilty of this for years. Always hedging my bets, always giving people an out. Then I watched how the truly confident people in my industry communicated. They stated facts. They made recommendations. They didn't apologise for having opinions.

Now, I'm not saying become an arrogant tosser. There's a difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence says "I believe this is the right approach based on my experience." Arrogance says "I'm always right, and anyone who disagrees is an idiot."

The confident person can handle being wrong. They can change their mind when presented with new information. The arrogant person doubles down on stupidity.

The Imposter Syndrome Trap

Let me tell you something about imposter syndrome that the motivational speakers won't. Sometimes, you actually don't know what you're doing. And that's fine. Normal, even.

The problem isn't feeling like an imposter occasionally—it's believing that feeling means you shouldn't act. Some of my best career moves happened when I felt completely out of my depth. Taking on that first major organisational change project. Starting my own practice. Speaking at industry conferences.

Feeling like you don't belong doesn't mean you don't belong. It usually means you're doing something that matters. Something that's pushing you to grow.

I see this constantly in workplace training sessions. Talented people holding themselves back because they're waiting to feel "ready." Newsflash: nobody ever feels ready. The confident ones just move forward anyway.

Your Comfort Zone Is Actually Uncomfortable

Here's an unpopular opinion: your comfort zone isn't comfortable. It's familiar, which we mistake for comfortable. But think about it—how comfortable are you really when you're stuck in the same patterns, having the same conversations, solving the same problems?

Real comfort comes from knowing you can handle whatever gets thrown at you. And you only develop that by deliberately putting yourself in situations that challenge you.

I make it a point to do something that scares me professionally at least once a quarter. Sometimes it's pitching to a new industry. Sometimes it's trying a different approach with difficult clients. Last year, I started offering virtual reality training modules, despite knowing absolutely nothing about VR technology.

Did I feel confident going in? Hell no. But confidence isn't about feeling fearless—it's about acting despite the fear.

The Body Language Revolution

People underestimate how much their physical presence affects their mental state. Stand differently, and you think differently. I'm not talking about power poses in the bathroom mirror—though those can help too.

I'm talking about practical changes. Walking into meetings like you belong there. Making eye contact when you speak. Not fidgeting with your phone during conversations.

I had a client once, brilliant woman, absolute genius with data analysis. But she'd shrink into herself during presentations. Shoulders hunched, voice barely audible, constantly tucking her hair behind her ears. We worked on just three things: shoulders back, voice up, hands still. Her ideas hadn't changed, but suddenly people were listening.

Sometimes the confidence follows the behaviour, not the other way around.

Dealing with Criticism Without Crumbling

Confident people don't avoid criticism—they seek it out. They know that feedback, even harsh feedback, is information they can use.

But here's the thing about criticism: not all of it is created equal. You need to develop what I call "criticism filters." Some feedback is gold. Some is garbage. The confident person can tell the difference.

When someone criticises your work, ask yourself: Do they have expertise in this area? Do they understand the context? Are they offering solutions or just complaints? If it passes those tests, listen carefully. If not, file it under "interesting but irrelevant."

I learned this during a particularly brutal project review early in my career. Client absolutely shredded my recommendations. I went home questioning everything. But when I looked at their feedback objectively, most of it was about their own internal politics, not the quality of my work. The valid points—maybe 20% of their complaints—I incorporated. The rest I ignored.

That project ended up being one of my most successful. Sometimes people are just having a bad day, and you're a convenient target.

The Confidence-Action Loop

Here's something most people get backwards: they think confidence leads to action. Actually, it's the opposite. Action leads to confidence.

Every time you take action despite uncertainty, you prove to yourself that you can handle uncertainty. Every time you make a decision and deal with the consequences—good or bad—you get better at making decisions.

This is why I always tell my clients to start with behavior change, not mindset change. Want to be more confident in presentations? Give more presentations. Want to be more confident in negotiations? Negotiate more often. Want to be more confident in difficult conversations? Have more difficult conversations.

I know it sounds simplistic, but sometimes the simplest approaches work best. You can't think your way to confidence. You have to act your way there.

Managing the Internal Critic

We all have that voice in our head that loves to point out everything we're doing wrong. The difference between confident people and everyone else isn't that they don't have that voice—it's that they don't let it drive the bus.

I call mine Harold. Harold's been with me for years, always ready with a helpful comment about how I'm about to embarrass myself or make a terrible mistake. The difference now is that I acknowledge Harold and then make my own decisions.

"Thanks for the input, Harold, but I'm doing this anyway."

It might sound silly, but giving that internal critic a name and treating it like a separate entity helps create distance between you and those negative thoughts. You are not your thoughts. You are the person observing your thoughts.

The Power of Prepared Spontaneity

Confident people often appear spontaneous, but here's a secret: most of that spontaneity is prepared. They've thought through common scenarios, practiced their responses, and developed frameworks for handling unexpected situations.

I keep what I call "confidence tools" ready for different situations. Standard responses for common objections. Go-to questions for networking events. Templates for difficult conversations. It's not about being scripted—it's about being prepared.

Think about it like stress reduction—when you have systems in place, you can handle unexpected situations more calmly. When you're making everything up on the spot, that's when anxiety takes over.

Building Your Confidence Portfolio

Just like financial portfolios, confidence needs diversification. Don't put all your self-worth eggs in one basket. If your entire sense of confidence comes from work performance, what happens when you have a bad quarter?

Build confidence across multiple areas. Physical fitness, creative pursuits, relationships, learning new skills. The more areas where you feel competent, the more stable your overall confidence becomes.

I learned this during a rough patch a few years back when several clients left simultaneously. If my confidence had been entirely tied to business success, I would have been devastated. But I'd been developing other competencies—took up rock climbing, learned photography, started mentoring young professionals. My professional setback didn't destroy my overall confidence because I had proof of competence in other areas.

The Compound Effect of Small Wins

Confidence builds momentum. One good decision makes the next one easier. One successful interaction increases the odds of the next one going well.

This is why I tell clients to track their wins, no matter how small. Spoke up in a meeting? Win. Handled a difficult customer well? Win. Made a decision quickly instead of agonising over it? Win.

Most people focus obsessively on their failures and forget their successes. Confident people do the opposite. They learn from failures quickly and move on, but they savour and remember their successes.

Keep a confidence journal. End each day by writing down three things you handled well. Doesn't matter how small. After a month, you'll have 90 pieces of evidence that you're more capable than you thought.

Confidence Is a Skill, Not a Trait

The biggest misconception about confidence is that some people are naturally confident and others aren't. Complete nonsense. Confidence is a skill set, and like any skill set, it can be developed through practice.

Think about driving a car. The first time you got behind the wheel, you were probably terrified. Everything felt overwhelming—steering, acceleration, braking, watching for other cars. Now you probably drive while having conversations, listening to music, and thinking about your day.

What changed? You practiced. You developed competence. And with competence came confidence.

The same applies to everything else. Public speaking, leadership, negotiation, managing teams, starting businesses. The people who look naturally confident have just had more practice.

So stop waiting for confidence to show up. Start practicing the behaviours you want to be confident about. The feeling will follow.

Your Next Steps

Confidence isn't a destination—it's a practice. It's something you develop daily through small actions and decisions. It's choosing to speak up when you have something valuable to contribute. It's setting boundaries and sticking to them. It's backing yourself when others won't.

Start tomorrow. Pick one small area where you've been hesitating and take action. Not because you feel confident, but because action creates confidence.

The world needs what you have to offer. But first, you need to believe it's worth offering.

Our Favourite Resources:

• Learning Sphere Blog - Professional development insights
• Skill Pulse Posts - Practical workplace skills content